Spencer Reid Nichols

Digital scans of methamphetamine coated film negatives. (11”x15”, 2019).

The CA Health & Safety Code 11377 is the California drug law that makes it illegal to possess methamphetamines and certain other drugs for personal consumption.

As a gay man and child of law enforcement, this project serves as my attempt at understanding the relationship between drug culture and homosexuality. The documentation of PnP (defined as Party and Play, an acronym used to describe the act of consuming methamphetamine and partaking in sexual activity) through first hand photographs mixed with screen grabs from gay pornographic videos serves to drawn a connection between reality and fantasy, while still remaining incomprehensible as a result of substances. I’m searching for a way to comment on accessibility of meth and sexual partners within the gay community, and the results of these intertwining. The images all become distorted by the application of the substance consumed in these scenarios to the negatives, further blurring the line between what real and false. Upon completion of this project the negatives were destroyed.

I created this work as a response to pain caused by a breakup. It reflects my thoughts, feelings, desires, and pains I experienced and almost appear to be begging for some sort of release. Originally thinking about this work, I wanted it to be a comparison between the feelings of being lost as a child and an adult; as a child I often felt lost, as I did during the time I began the work. When I thought about the material I wanted to collage with, 1970/80’s gay pornographic magazines, it reminded me of the connection between media consumption and sexual habits in gay culture, as well as the connection present in personal and private exploitations. I felt trapped, hostage to heartbreak and old habits. I also became reminded of the link between materials created during a viral epidemic and work being made in a new global pandemic. The ransom note style text is my attempt at asking myself what the price is for letting go and being free. How can I be the prisoner and the security guard, and what is the ransom to release myself from the cage? This work explores those questions through vulnerability within myself in an attempt to find the answer.